Solving a problem is most people’s first reaction to a loved one or client going through a difficult time. I’m not talking about day to day stressors but profound grief or the depths of despair. If someone asks for advice or counsel, by all means, give it. Often, however, while intentions may be good, unsolicited advice, encouraging someone not to feel the way they feel, criticism of how the situation is being handled, phrases like, “Don’t cry…,” “What you should do is…,” “Have you tried…?,” or “You just need to tell them…,” only piles on to the many layers of stress a loved one is experiencing. It turns the focus off the person in need and onto ourselves being the hero or rescuer. The reality is no words are actually necessary. Only your presence.

The Ministry of Presence sums up the space not only body-workers and trauma therapists can hold to help people in pain, but also loved ones and even strangers. Yes, it’s absolutely OK to come upon a total stranger who is obviously struggling and ask to simply be with them. When I first became a body-worker, I was a Neuromuscular Therapist. It was my job to address and ease pain, determine the source of the pain, and if possible, give my client tools to prevent the pain from returning. In other words, it was my job to have the answer. Solve the problem. As a practitioner of craniosacral and somatic therapies, however, this approach is not only unhelpful, but can be stressful for the person who is struggling. It can even put pressure on that person to suppress their somatic experience in order to protect the person trying to help.

So how do we practice The Ministry of Presence?

1. Set your own ego aside. It’s not about you. It’s not about how good your advice may be, and it’s especially not about what happened when you had a similar experience,… “Well you think that’s bad? Let me tell you what happened to ME.”
2. Be quiet. Simply sitting with the person can ease difficult emotions and/or pain, simply because in that moment it is shared.
3. While words are not necessary, you may ask if you could offer some physical support. “Would you like a hug?” or “May I hold your hand?” Just a hand on their shoulder can do more than you realize. If they say no, do not take it personally, and simply sit in silence.

That’s it. No really. Just shut up and be there.

(See below how Winnie the Pooh and friends might do it.)

“‘It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days,
so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to
Eeyore’s house. Inside the house was Eeyore.
“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.
“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet” said Eeyore, in a Glum sounding voice.
“We just thought we’d check on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from
you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”
Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t
know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell
you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not
Much Fun To Be Around At All.
Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time
hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around
At All, would you now.”
Pooh looked and Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on
either side of Eeyore in his stick house.
Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true
friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be
Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”
“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh
and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel
a very tiny little bit better.
Because Pooh and Piglet were There.
No more; no less.
This was written by Kathryn Wallace.
It appeared on her Facebook page on 22 November 2018

Based on A. A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh & Characters

“If you put your hands on people to help them feel better, love has to go with those hands. That’s how you facilitate transformation.” – Dr. John E. Upledger, DO, OMM

One of the most influential aspects of our lives is the people with whom we choose to surround ourselves. I love this quote below from Trent Shelton, former NFL player, which he made to Mel Robbins on her Podcast. (Episode: “5 Things Only Fake Friends Do & How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You”)

“When you’re in the right environment, around the right people, you never have to question anything that is real.”

If you find that you are consistently questioning other people’s loyalty, intentions, words, actions, (or lack thereof), and generally have no peace that they have your back, then it’s probably time to take inventory. People have bad days of course, but the people with whom you choose to spend your time, share your grief and good news should feed your soul, support your growth, and generally want to help you become a better version of you with nothing to gain for themselves. If there are people in your life who are taking and not giving, not happy for you when times are good, and grieving with you when times are difficult, not holding you to the standards to which you hold yourself, you probably already know it and may even be thinking of someone right now who fits into that category. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to cut them out of your life altogether, but probably need to limit their access to those parts of you you should be holding sacred.

At the same time, you’re probably thinking of those who DO have your back and best interest at heart. I refer to these rare and cherished individuals as my ”Inner Sanctum.” They hold me accountable, share my ups and downs, give as much as they take, but most importantly, I can trust them with my emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual safety. I am grateful for them every day.

“Trauma is not what happens to you. It is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you. And things can happen inside you for which you don’t need very dramatic events, but essentially, trauma is a restriction of your capacity; a limitation; a constriction in the body – constriction in your mental capacity to respond in the present moment from your authentic self. Essentially, trauma is a restriction of your authentic self in the present moment. That’s what trauma is.” Dr. Gabor Mate’

Touch them with your hands, your eyes and your heart. Let them bond with the living, breathing world. Let them feel their feelings and teach them their names. Return to the uncarved simplicity. – Vimala McClure

Most of us crave balance in life, but as the saying goes, “A scale is only in balance for a brief second. Inevitably the pendulum swings. It’s impossible to maintain.” That doesn’t mean one shouldn’t try to achieve a “balanced life,” but instead, to understand and accept the inevitable to and fro of life. Resist going in either direction to extremes.

Our thoughts and prayers are with everyone affected by these strange times. For the safety of everyone, we are not taking appointments at least through April 30th. Check here for updates. Be safe and be well.

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

All of us are doing the best we can with terrible circumstances this year. Many are getting through these times without acknowledging the underlying stress and unspoken hardships in the name of coping and trying to achieve a sense of normalcy in the face of uncertainty. Some are struggling with mental and emotional issues that bubble under the surface, and, for many, those around them are blind. Give yourself and others grace. “Grace is the face that love wears when it meets imperfection.” – Joseph R. Cooke

TOTAL BODY BALANCING

Click HERE for more information on this very gentle, relaxing full body technique.

Designed to identify sources of pain or restriction,

gently relieve extraneous lines of tension in the body,

and access the body’s innate ability to heal.

WHAT: COMPLIMENTARY MINI REFLEXOLOGY SESSIONS

WHEN: Saturday, July 21, 2018 from 12:00-5:00

WHERE: Nature’s Corner Market – 3960 Mary Eliza Trace NW, Marietta, GA

HOW: Come by or call 678-833-5916 to reserve your spot.

WHY: Relax and learn more about this ancient technique that uses compression on reflex areas on the feet to bring overall balance and wellness to the entire body.